It is two clock in the morning the night of the fourth to the fifth cycle. I wake up with a malaise. Something is not right. "Maybe I react badly to the drugs," I wonder silently, while my adrenaline level rises. "I got two different hormone preparations and nearly a double dose of this treatment prescribed. Maybe that's just too much for my body? Or maybe I can take the two hormones in combination is not good? " I feel quite hot at this thought, I'm starting to sweat and strike the blanket back a little.
Now I feel a pressing pain near my heart. "This is not good!" Racing through my head. Somewhere I once read that people feel before a heart attack, no stinging, but a press on the heart. I can not remember ever to have such a press felt. Fear rising in me. I feel the beating of my heart and clear through my dark thoughts are getting louder. When I notice that my breathing gets hectic, I open my eyes, teach me on something and look left. My Sweet lies next to me asleep and quiet. I wonder if I should wake him, but I decide against it.
Last year I had my first panic attack. It happened shortly after I got the negative result of our first ICSI indicated. Ironically, in this night I had slept at a friend. I woke up and felt a tingling in the arms and legs became stronger and was afraid. Due to the increased fear my blood pressure and tingling got worse. In this spiral I was scared to death sparked my girlfriend and called an ambulance. The doctor, a blood pressure of 185 fixed and a low potassium level in the blood that came from too frequent, deep breathing. He gave me a sleeping pill or tranquilizer and in fact I was quiet and tired again. He asked me if I had mental problems and advised me time to speak to a psychiatrist. This meeting today in coming.
By now, I sit up in bed. It is clear to me that I have another panic attack. It could be that my problems came from my fear. If I manage to bring myself to other thoughts, then I can sleep then? Can screw up the little angel Täufelchen the tour? Can my mind to conquer my fear? I have to try. First, I focus on my breathing and try a few minutes of slow, controlled breathing into the stomach. then my hand reaches automatically to my phone.
Lately I can get my blog and Facebook by my phone. The Vodafone Mobile Flat makes it possible. A few of you have written to my bulletin board and my stats page shows incredible 13 000 page views. There are some new comments on my blog, cheer me up and I devour one after another. An entry I particularly like :"... I'm glad there is someone who speaks to me from the heart. It no longer feels so lonely. " lege After twenty minutes I phone my side. "I must write about my panic attack." In thinking of the first formulations I fall asleep. Angel has triumphed!
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