It's Monday, Transfer Day, the fourteenth day of the cycle and even Valentine's Day. The sun is shining. When I was a embryo, I would choose me just one day to me in the uterine mucosa mucke time to make my mom comfortable. I'm electrified by the idea that I am this evening were, "pregnant". I'm already in the car and go to work. The date in the infertility clinic in the afternoon. After that I took time off, because this time I want to do everything right. Maybe it has not worked out at the last attempt, after the transfer because I've done too much. From now on I'll be watching my body closely and check for signs of first pregnancy. If the breasts bigger? If the nipples darker? If the visible veins on my breasts? I notice drawing or twitching in the abdomen? My breasts are protected by the hormone treatment has unpleasant sensations. In crowds I fold your arms across my chest already, so just no one accidentally comes to my heart. Should anyone dare to touch my nipples intentionally, husbands included, I'd have to kill him, unfortunately.
The fertility clinic has still not morning call. This is a good sign. If anything went wrong, normal way, to call someone to nine clock. When I am with my car before the office, I call themselves in the infertility clinic.
"fertility clinic, good day. What can I do for you? "
" Franka Fruity, good morning. I have an appointment this afternoon for the transfer. Before I leave work, I just wanted to make sure that everything in order and that it remains at the appointment? "
" I like to look after it for you. Please tell me your date of birth? "The nice lady answered the telephone.
"First one thousand nine hundred seventy-two." I give back flush.
"Hum, yes. One moment please. "
I'm not sure what prompted me suddenly, himself to call the fertility clinic. It was probably the small, uncomfortable feeling in my stomach, I just wanted to get rid of this perfect morning. When I first arrived in my open-plan office, it is impossible on the phone about fertilization of ova . Talk If but a call from the clinic, I would only leave the office, walk down some stairs and go to the repair area of building services. This is the only room when I can talk undisturbed.
"So Listen, Mrs Fruity? "Comes the rhetorical question from the line.
"Yes?" I return hopefully.
"have Unfortunately, none of the ten eggs can be fertilized. This is then also the date for the transfer today afternoon. "
It is impossible to describe this terrible moment. Perhaps one can compare him with the news of his death of a dear relative or a call from the Fire Department, tells you that your house just burned down. I can only remember the shock, like a bolt of lightning through my body and shot him paralyzed. Luckily I had already parked outside the office. Fortunately, I did not drive. I do not know if I would have done it in this moment, to keep control of my car.
"No fertilization?" I ask out of sheer helplessness, as if the lady would think of the fertility clinic have a different way. My brain was just not ready to accept this message.
"No, unfortunately." Is the sobering answer.
"And what to do now? ", it shoots out of me uncontrollably.
This question is pointless, but it is the last straw to which I cling to me. I'm afraid to end the call because it meant the finality of the negative result. As long as the lady on the phone yet, I have a feeling that we can be helped. Secretly I hope well, I can get used to the necessary change an embryo donation from abroad. The transfer date would be the same this afternoon, everything would remain (almost) the same. Had the lady offered me this at the moment actually, I probably would have agreed.
"Do You may make an appointment with the doctor? "The lady asked hesitantly.
"Yes," I say, "at the top as soon as possible. Can we come during the lunch break? "
The thought is that I hold out longer than two hours without explanation, without details and without a prospect must paralyzing. At that moment, I decide that I might not someday, but NOW need to talk to the doctor.
"Actually doctor has no appointments free today. How about Friday? "
" No, Friday is too late. I had a transfer deadline day. A quarter of an hour So he must have time in between. "I say now with mild aggressiveness in his voice. The conversation with the doctor seems to me the only way to organize my confused, sad and terrified thoughts.
"Hm Maybe it goes so against twelve clock. But they would have to bring a bit of time. "
" Ok, I'm at twelve clock. "I reply.
Thus ended the conversation. I now had all the time. Dates, which rest in the office have hidden me. In the second in I DJ, I call my husband even north. He does not answer the phone. "Please let me now not alone." I think and write him directly after a text message with the words: ". please call me at times" Then I choose the number of my sister. She goes to the phone, I say in a nutshell what happened. She is only stunned, and then tries to comfort me. When I notice that you can take me my despair, I lay back on. At that moment, recalls north. I explain the factual situation and hope that his response will help me. He says: "This must be a mistake." That does not help me but at least we arrange to meet during the lunch break at the fertility clinic. It is clear to me that I am not a man with words or deeds that can give back what I have just lost.
To be continued!
(Love readers. This day is now three weeks ago. It seemed impossible in the above-described moment that the world is for me to turn. On the same day showed, however, is indeed a new ray of hope for our desire to have children ...)
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